happy valentine’s day to myself

don’t take yourself too seriously this February 14th, okay?

PIZZA.

Y’all… it is just a day.

Why is it so easy to get your panties in a bunch over one day of the year?

Valentine’s Day: you either love it or… you loath it. Those indifferent find it satisfying watching people scramble at the grocery store last minute, arms full of gaudy junk or the bargain candy at CVS the following morning. While I enjoy both of these things, I also just see it as any ordinary day.

As long as I can remember, my Valentine’s Day has been spent in an apron covered in grease and ranch, witnessing the presentation of extravagant gifts during the dessert course, and then proceeding to tip me 10%. One year, I spent it in rehearsals watching jacked actors stage South Pacific’s “Nothing Like a Dame.” Last year, I’m pretty sure I was hungover.

Yep, I was definitely hungover. I took this photo at the Museum of Natural History in NYC in front of the exhibit that I believe Ross and Rachel got it on in during season one of Friends.

I honestly can’t recall the last time I spent Valentine’s Day with a partner. 2014, maybe? So that marks 7 years of spending it with myself. That. Is. Fine.

What I’m getting at is that we need to eradicate the notion that if you are not in a relationship on this flashy holiday, you are worthless, forever destined to be alone in a 200-square foot studio apartment full of cats and Ryan Gosling posters.

Stop posting on social media that you’re alone. Yes, I know I am just as guilty of this as the next person, as I’ve been a Maid of Honor 3 times now, and do love tossing into my speech that “I am single” and “yes, bachelors, I’ll take another round from the bar!” But, enough. Enough of the, “I am sooooo single, but at least I have this large Domino’s pizza!” posts. Actually, a large Domino’s pizza sounds like a great idea. Be excited that you aren’t having to share it with someone and will have a great midnight snack to look forward to after you down a 6-pack of White Claws while watching Love Actually. Get yourself the large pizza because you love it (or because there’s a coupon). Watch Love Actually because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy and Hugh Grant is bae.

But if you want to send me Vegan donuts, that’ll be fine.

I’m not silently judging those that go all out with their significant other, I’m just saying that the overpriced prefix menu ain’t my thing, fresh flowers eventually start to smell like cat piss when they wilt and vegan chocolate is really expensive. If you got scooped up during cuffing season, congrats! Here’s one more holiday you can participate in before you go separate ways.

Being single is not a flaw.

Read that, again.

Being single is not a flaw. Being single means honing your independence and appreciating you while leaving room for the unexpected. Come on, you’ve heard it from your Mom or married best friend: “the right person always walks into your life when you least expect it.” And while this is so true, it’s also highly inconvenient, so don’t put pressure on this ridiculous holiday.

Honestly, how on EARTH can you add a +1 to this?

I urge you to binge watch all of Friends, call the people you love and tell them how badass they are, share inappropriate memes, get an overpriced manicure, treat yourself to a group fitness class and then come home and eat the ice cream straight from the pint FOR DINNER. Covid-safe, that one, as only YOUR spoon is dipping into that creamy goodness.

Maybe wear pink, GO CRAZY!

Happy Valentine’s Day to myself, I love you!