New York or Nowhere?
I’ve always hated that phrase.
“If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.”
Everywhere has it challenges, don’t flatter yourself.
For me, New Year’s Day has been more than a holiday. Sure, it’s a fresh start, but I never make resolutions because they last three days and I never keep them. Still, January 1st is special: it marks another year hustling in the Big Apple.
On January 1st, 2016, I rolled up to my Astoria sublet in my 2005 Dodge Neon with two suitcases and a savings account cushioned by a summer’s worth of slinging Bud Lights in one-size-too-small Daisy Dukes. I had a small, part-time job lined up at Pearl Studios as a front desk receptionist, which I quickly learned was an actor’s nightmare, but also a godsend. Thank you, free studio space and private bathrooms. The rest, as they say, is history.
Here I am, five years later, and today, I am not posting a “Look at me! Today Marks Five Years In NYC!” status. I told myself I wouldn’t leave New York until I was good and ready. I wanted at least five MORE years. But with my furniture sold and my personal belongings in a Cube Smart as of two weeks ago, it’s finally hitting home that I am not celebrating a New York-iversary today. I’m not quite sure why I left, and the dust has yet to settle, so it will take time to really talk about it. For many, 2020 was an eye-opener of a year. I can blame the lack of work and closure of the arts industry that lead me away, but I’m just not sure.
To put it plainly, I think I was ready.
New York will always be there. She will welcome you in with open arms and then knock you down the second you pull away. New York started as a dream and then turned into an obligation. “I cannot leave. If I leave, I fail. I have so much to accomplish here and I cannot leave until I achieve it all.” You don’t just say, “I’m going to move to NYC, it seems fun!”
$10 beers and $1,092.50 in rent for a BEDROOM in a three-bedroon on a walkup gets old, y’all. You move to NYC because you have a job to do, a goal to nourish and a dream to fulfill.
Well, I sure as hell did not fail. I am a fuller, better version of who I am meant to be because of my journey in New York City. I am not on Broadway. Not even CLOSE. But, I wouldn’t trade the last almost five years for anything.
“Strength is what we gain from the madness we survive.” For the longest time, I felt like I would be nothing without New York. Where will I go next? Who know. But, ff New York has taught me anything, it’s that I will figure it out; I always do.
